The Bitcoin Genie
Project 2025’s Accidentally Hilarious Self-Own
Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Irony of Authoritarians Endorsing Permissionless Money
Have you ever noticed how the people most obsessed with control are always the ones who accidentally unleash the exact thing that destroys their control? It’s like watching Pete Hesketh in front of a room full of generals trying to capture smoke with a butterfly net. Welcome to Project 2025’s Bitcoin strategy.
The Setup
900 Pages of “Freedom” (Terms and Conditions Apply)
So these geniuses spent 900 pages, NINE HUNDRED PAGES, laying out their master plan for American governance. And buried in there, between “how to make the executive branch more executive-y” and “why the administrative state is bad except when WE’RE administrating,” they’ve got this beautiful contradiction going with digital assets.
They don’t explicitly mention Bitcoin, oh no, that would be acknowledging the inherent conflict. Still, they have all these policies regarding the Treasury, the Federal Reserve, and financial regulation… and every single one of them runs face-first into a wall called “decentralized monetary systems.”
It’s like writing a detailed manual on how to control the ocean using a chain-link fence.
The Strategic Bitcoin Reserve
Government Hoarding the Anti-Government Money
Here’s my favorite part: They aim to establish a “Strategic Bitcoin Reserve” using seized assets. You’re going to use GOVERNMENT COERCION to accumulate a currency that was literally invented so people wouldn’t need to trust any centralized authority, including governments.
That’s like the police department starting a GoFundMe campaign for “Fuck the Police” bumper stickers.
Bitcoin’s entire value proposition is: “Nobody controls this. Not banks. Not governments. Not your ex-wife’s lawyer. NOBODY.” And these clowns want to pile it up in the Treasury Department like it’s digital gold bars?
You can’t hoard decentralization, fellas. That’s not how this works. That’s not how ANY of this works. But hey, damn the naysayers, full steam ahead.
Federal Reserve “Reform”: Replacing One Master with Another
Oh, but it gets better. They want to bring the Federal Reserve under political control. Because apparently, the problem with the Fed isn’t that it controls the money supply, it’s that the WRONG PEOPLE control the money supply.
This is where misguided monetary reform collides with the uncontrollable orange vengeance seeker. Who has no qualms about trashing global economics just to settle a personal grudge. Just so long as you forget the Epstein files.
Sure, replace the FED chairman with your personal incompetent lackey. Bitcoin goes to 5 million the next day.
Bitcoin’s sitting there going, “Hey, uh, guys? What if NOBODY controlled the money supply? What if we just had, like, math and code and??? “
“SILENCE! We need ELECTED OFFICIALS to control it!”
Right. Because what monetary policy really needs is more politicians making decisions based on the next election cycle.
That’ll definitely compete with a currency that’s programmed to not give a fuck about elections or politicians.
Bitcoin has a fixed supply of 21 million coins. You can’t vote to make more. You can’t appoint someone to make more. You can’t executive-order more into existence. The algorithm doesn’t care about your mandate. It doesn’t care about your majority. It doesn’t care about your grudges.
And THAT’S their competition?
Political control of money?
Good luck with that.
The CBDC Panic: The Wrong Concerns for the Wrong Reasons
Now here’s where it gets really rich: They oppose Central Bank Digital Currencies because, and I quote, they could provide “unprecedented surveillance and potential control of financial transactions.”
OH, NOW YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT SURVEILLANCE?
The same plan that beefs up AML/CFT (Anti-Money Laundering/Counter-Terrorism Financing) requirements, consolidates regulatory agencies for “efficiency” (read: easier political control), and wants beneficial ownership reporting from every small business in America is CONCERNED ABOUT SURVEILLANCE?
What happened to money is free speech?
That’s not principled opposition to government overreach. That’s just wanting to make sure it’s YOUR TEAM doing the reaching.
Bitcoin doesn’t care which team you’re on. It treats the NSA and the IRS with the same cold, mathematical indifference. It’s pseudonymous by design. Not because it’s trying to help criminals, but because financial privacy used to be considered, you know, A RIGHT.
Peer-to-peer, you know, no permission necessary!
The China Lesson They Somehow Missed
You know what’s hilarious? China already tried this. The Chinese Communist Party, arguably the world’s most sophisticated authoritarian surveillance state, said, “Bitcoin is banned. Mining is banned. Trading is banned. All done.”
And you know what happened? The Bitcoin network shrugged, the miners moved (many to the United States, ironically), and the whole thing became more decentralized and more resilient.
China, with its Great Firewall, its social credit system, and its ability to disappear billionaires for a few months to “reflect”, couldn’t kill Bitcoin.
But sure, Project 2025, I’m confident YOUR strategic reserve is gonna tame it. 440th time’s the charm, right?
The Accidental Endorsement
Here’s the beautiful part, the part that makes this whole thing a masterpiece of unintentional comedy:
Every single thing Project 2025 wants to do with Bitcoin makes Bitcoin more legitimate and more necessary.
Create a national Bitcoin reserve? Congratulations, you just told every other country that Bitcoin is a reserve asset. Watch the dominoes fall as nations race to accumulate it, which, spoiler alert, WEAKENS the dollar you’re trying to protect.
Bring financial regulation under political control? Congratulations, you’ve just given everyone a reason to seek alternatives to the political financial system. Bitcoin adoption goes brrrr.
It’s as if they’re running a promotional campaign for Bitcoin while thinking they’re fighting against it.
The Fundamental Stupidity
And this is the part where you stop laughing and realize the profound truth:
You cannot use centralized power to control decentralized technology. It’s a category error. It’s like trying to use democracy to enforce monarchy, or using freedom to establish slavery.
Bitcoin isn’t just a technology. It’s a political statement. Every transaction is a vote for a world where you don’t need permission to participate in the economy. Every node is a middle finger to the idea that money requires trust in institutions.
Come get woken up, guys. That’s so you know. 1825?
Project 2025 looks at this and thinks, “Great, we’ll use that for OUR institutional power.”
Denial is not a river in Egypt.
Why This Actually Matters
Now you might be thinking, “Okay, funny rant, but who cares? This is just nerd money stuff.”
Wrong. Dead wrong.
Money isn’t a thing. Money is THE thing.
Every power structure in human history, every empire, every dictatorship, every “democracy” that somehow keeps fucking over the same people, exists because someone controls the money. Control the money, control what people can buy. Control what people can buy, control what they can do. Control what they can do, control what they can think.
Why do you think every authoritarian regime’s first move is seizing the banks? Why do you think financial sanctions are modern warfare? Why do you think they can print trillions for wars but never have money for healthcare? China got the bug, communism with a dash of good old Western consumerism.
Because money is the source code of power itself.
And here’s the thing, Project 2025 accidentally stumbled into: If you lose control of money, you lose control of everything else.
You can control the media, but people will find other ways to communicate.
You can control the military, but they can’t shoot everyone.
You can control the laws, but people ignore unjust laws all the time.
But control the money? That’s the game. That’s always been the game.
Bitcoin is the first time in human history that there’s money, real, functional, and globally accepted money, that cannot be controlled by force. Not by elections, not by coercion, not by “national security,” not by “the greater good.” Bitcoin is a choice.
The implications are staggering, and these Project 2025 clowns are trying to use it like it’s just another policy tool.
Now who’s the tool?
The Punchline
The beautiful irony, the thing that would make George Carlin himself break into uncontrollable laughter, is that Project 2025 might actually succeed. They might create their Bitcoin reserve. They might reform the Fed. They might consolidate regulatory power.
And every single step toward their centralized vision will make Bitcoin MORE valuable, MORE necessary, and MORE powerful.
They’re building the prison that becomes the advertisement for the escape tunnel.
They’re the Streisand Effect in policy form.
They’re trying to put the genie back in the bottle by giving it a megaphone and a spotlight.
Here’s what they don’t get, what they CAN’T get, because their entire worldview won’t allow it:
Bitcoin isn’t a tool. It’s not a weapon. It’s not a strategic asset that can be deployed.
Bitcoin is an EXIT.
It’s what people use when they realize that EVERY version of “trust us, we’ll control the money responsibly” is the same circus with different clowns.
Project 2025 wants to be the “new boss, same as the old boss”. Bitcoin says, “we won’t get fooled again.” There doesn’t need to be a boss.
And that’s why, no matter how many pages they write, no matter how many agencies they consolidate, no matter how much Bitcoin they stack in their “strategic reserve”, they’ve already lost.
The genie’s out. And it’s not going back.
Not for them. Not for anyone.
Because in the end, you can’t regulate your way to freedom, you can’t centralize your way to decentralization, and you can’t government-mandate your way out of the problem that government is.
But hey, thanks for the 900-page comedy special, guys. It’s been entertaining.